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"How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity"

- At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

- Page yourself over the intercom.  Don't disguise your voice.

- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso!

- Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."

- Don't use any punctuation marks

- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

- Ask people what sex they are.  Laugh hysterically after they answer.

- Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go".

- Sing along at the opera.

- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

- Put mosquito netting around your work area.  Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

- Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

- Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard Kim".

- When the money comes out the ATM, scream  "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"

- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"

- Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."


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