"How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity"
- At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
- Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
- Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
- Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
- Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso!
- Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
- Don't use any punctuation marks
- As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
- Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go".
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
- Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
- Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
- Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, "Rock Hard Kim".
- When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
- When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
- Tell your children over dinner. "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."